Friday, August 24, 2012
www.beaheart.com
Just so you know, I am blogging now over at www.beaheart.com as I journey to New York in a few weeks. Of course it's a bit different than this deep emotional journey of the last year and a half. I thank you all for following along with me. For supporting me and praying for me. I will never forget.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Love is a risk.
Well. It´s over.
I´m speechless. I can´t get myself to call my mom or my dad or my brother (sorry about that). I don´t want to talk about it. Almost like everything will crumble if I speak about it--about the tears, about the exhaustion I´m feeling, about the pain in leaving my children. I called a close friend that night who always knows how to console me. I stifled my tears and have yet to let them loose since. I have looked at the pictures of my party about 20 times now. And I don´t dare think about those last 5 minutes in the Fazenda.
It was painful. Yet I realized two things
1) I wouldn´t give up the experience I had here in place of the pain
2) it wasn´t the pain of a broken heart, but the pain of a GROWING heart. indescribable. like it was stretching even more to fit in each of my loved ones here. to be able to fit even more of Christ's love to be able to pour out to others.
And so I accept it. I give up my sadness. Even though it´s engulfing me at the moment. I sit here in a gloud of unknowingness. I went shopping yesterday for gifts. I was not feeling well. I was melancholy. My arms were loaded down and I had only bought half of what I wanted. I gave up. I walked and looked and tried to take in this culture. this people. my people. And despite my exhaustion, I´m not sleeping very well.
So how did it go? I spent the last two days embroidering cards. Don´t ask me why. I just needed to do it. So I sat on Cristiano´s couch while he worked on the kitchen (I told him what to do, etc) and sewed. I packed a few hours before we left. The kids followed me around like little chicks and sat on my bedroom floor and were driving me crazy. But I knew it was our last moments together, so I didn´t kick them out. At the last minute, I went into the bathroom and gave myself a pep talk before going and saying goodbye to everyone. The whole community was there, in a circle. Where do I start, how do I say goodbye? Adriano hugged me for a good 3 minutes. And well, all I could do was say goodbye. The kids followed me in the circle, waiting their chance. I had to wait til the end. I knew I would break down.
Of course I did. I hugged tete. And I broke down in tears. And so she broke down in tears. And there I was hugging that ball of hair and crying. And then Rafa gave me some flowers. And Marcos. didn´t want to let go of me. And my Bea. Bea wouldn´t look at me. She hid in her moms dress. She started yelling. yelling and crying. It broke my heart. She left the group. Daniel started crying before getting in the car (he was taking me to maria helenas). I went to climb in the car. I saw Bea screaming in the distance. I put one foot to go after her and I stopped. I retraced. I got in the car. I cried.
Daniel did the prayer to protect our trip. He started the Hail Mary and 3 words in, broke into tears again. He prayed for my trip, for my return to my family and for my life. It made me cry even more although I tried to quietly cry for him not to notice. He looked up at me and he wiped my tears. Meu Deus. My little angel.
We ate dinner together. It prolonged the goodbye a little longer. But finally it arrived. He started wailing. "BUT I LOVE YOU" he yelled. Oh my daniel. But I love you too.
I wanted to break into tears, but I didnt wnat to make my friends here uncomfortable. So I let the tears run down my cheeks. And then. I just couldn´t think about it longer. And here I am today.
The party Sunday was beautiful. more than 140 were there. Dona Virginha told me she wouldn´t come. She showed up in a beautiful pink dress. She made me so happy. 15 minutes til mass, I still had to get ready. And Daniel. I called him from the soccer field. He put out his 'wait' hand. I got him into house (after dragging him) and while I went into my room, he escaped back out. I had to call Cristiano. I rushed to the church. I sat alone until I got rafa to come and sit with me. The church was filled. The music was BEAUTIFUL.
The moment of invoking the holy spirit, there was this immense heat in me. That body warming sensation of Him. Dona Hilda came. I met her a few months ago on the bus. She lives in a tiny shack with her two boys. Her only daughter is paralyzed in a disability home. She has lost 10 of her 13 children-- the most recent being her 17 year old son. She has bad knees and an achy body. Her husband died in the last year due to a snake bite. And yet, her happiness of our visits is immense. She hadn´t visited the Fazenda in 13 years. She came and oh! When she hugged me, I was sure she was sent from the Lord. I didn´t wnat to let go of her. How to love a poor, humble woman that lives in an isolated place in Brasil. How am I so lucky?
The party was full of joy and love and I couldn´t have been happier.
Now I´m here. I´m here. It´s all going to be okay because I continue to follow Him.
I´m glad I took a risk and loved them all.
Here are the pictures from the past month. There were so many that I made albums on picasa. enjoy.
https://picasaweb.google.com/107458517214727227557/SaoJoao2012
https://picasaweb.google.com/107458517214727227557/DespedidaDeErica
pray for me in these next moments of unknowingness
love,
erica
I´m speechless. I can´t get myself to call my mom or my dad or my brother (sorry about that). I don´t want to talk about it. Almost like everything will crumble if I speak about it--about the tears, about the exhaustion I´m feeling, about the pain in leaving my children. I called a close friend that night who always knows how to console me. I stifled my tears and have yet to let them loose since. I have looked at the pictures of my party about 20 times now. And I don´t dare think about those last 5 minutes in the Fazenda.
It was painful. Yet I realized two things
1) I wouldn´t give up the experience I had here in place of the pain
2) it wasn´t the pain of a broken heart, but the pain of a GROWING heart. indescribable. like it was stretching even more to fit in each of my loved ones here. to be able to fit even more of Christ's love to be able to pour out to others.
And so I accept it. I give up my sadness. Even though it´s engulfing me at the moment. I sit here in a gloud of unknowingness. I went shopping yesterday for gifts. I was not feeling well. I was melancholy. My arms were loaded down and I had only bought half of what I wanted. I gave up. I walked and looked and tried to take in this culture. this people. my people. And despite my exhaustion, I´m not sleeping very well.
So how did it go? I spent the last two days embroidering cards. Don´t ask me why. I just needed to do it. So I sat on Cristiano´s couch while he worked on the kitchen (I told him what to do, etc) and sewed. I packed a few hours before we left. The kids followed me around like little chicks and sat on my bedroom floor and were driving me crazy. But I knew it was our last moments together, so I didn´t kick them out. At the last minute, I went into the bathroom and gave myself a pep talk before going and saying goodbye to everyone. The whole community was there, in a circle. Where do I start, how do I say goodbye? Adriano hugged me for a good 3 minutes. And well, all I could do was say goodbye. The kids followed me in the circle, waiting their chance. I had to wait til the end. I knew I would break down.
Of course I did. I hugged tete. And I broke down in tears. And so she broke down in tears. And there I was hugging that ball of hair and crying. And then Rafa gave me some flowers. And Marcos. didn´t want to let go of me. And my Bea. Bea wouldn´t look at me. She hid in her moms dress. She started yelling. yelling and crying. It broke my heart. She left the group. Daniel started crying before getting in the car (he was taking me to maria helenas). I went to climb in the car. I saw Bea screaming in the distance. I put one foot to go after her and I stopped. I retraced. I got in the car. I cried.
Daniel did the prayer to protect our trip. He started the Hail Mary and 3 words in, broke into tears again. He prayed for my trip, for my return to my family and for my life. It made me cry even more although I tried to quietly cry for him not to notice. He looked up at me and he wiped my tears. Meu Deus. My little angel.
We ate dinner together. It prolonged the goodbye a little longer. But finally it arrived. He started wailing. "BUT I LOVE YOU" he yelled. Oh my daniel. But I love you too.
I wanted to break into tears, but I didnt wnat to make my friends here uncomfortable. So I let the tears run down my cheeks. And then. I just couldn´t think about it longer. And here I am today.
The party Sunday was beautiful. more than 140 were there. Dona Virginha told me she wouldn´t come. She showed up in a beautiful pink dress. She made me so happy. 15 minutes til mass, I still had to get ready. And Daniel. I called him from the soccer field. He put out his 'wait' hand. I got him into house (after dragging him) and while I went into my room, he escaped back out. I had to call Cristiano. I rushed to the church. I sat alone until I got rafa to come and sit with me. The church was filled. The music was BEAUTIFUL.
The moment of invoking the holy spirit, there was this immense heat in me. That body warming sensation of Him. Dona Hilda came. I met her a few months ago on the bus. She lives in a tiny shack with her two boys. Her only daughter is paralyzed in a disability home. She has lost 10 of her 13 children-- the most recent being her 17 year old son. She has bad knees and an achy body. Her husband died in the last year due to a snake bite. And yet, her happiness of our visits is immense. She hadn´t visited the Fazenda in 13 years. She came and oh! When she hugged me, I was sure she was sent from the Lord. I didn´t wnat to let go of her. How to love a poor, humble woman that lives in an isolated place in Brasil. How am I so lucky?
The party was full of joy and love and I couldn´t have been happier.
Now I´m here. I´m here. It´s all going to be okay because I continue to follow Him.
I´m glad I took a risk and loved them all.
Here are the pictures from the past month. There were so many that I made albums on picasa. enjoy.
https://picasaweb.google.com/107458517214727227557/SaoJoao2012
https://picasaweb.google.com/107458517214727227557/DespedidaDeErica
pray for me in these next moments of unknowingness
love,
erica
Thursday, June 28, 2012
3 weeks and counting
So what happens the last month of a mission? I was pretty preoccupied by this question for months (I still have that stress tendancy). Well, there is a burst of joy. I feel like every day is Christmas eve. I wake up happy, stay happy, and go to bed happy. Sure, I found happiness a long time ago, but on top of that daily peace, I feel like a child. And along with that is laziness. There is so much to finish in these last weeks-- a school house to re organize, a bedroom to clear out, a huge huge huge (talking 150+) party to plan, and kids to play with. Instead, I am decorating the remodel of one of the house´s kitchen. The boys let me have full say on their kitchen. I still don´t know how I got so lucky. Tuesday we decided to do it, Tuesday 10am we knocked down the walls and old counter, Wednesday Cristiano and I went to the construction store. I got to pick out the tile for the floor and walls (yes, I asked why they weren´t redoing the floor and so they said okay, lets go for it!) Then we picked out the sink (which there are no choices, everything really expensive and poorly made). We made the floor higher to the kitchen to separate from the living room and well.... lots of other things. Oh it makes me so happy! I decided that I must find a husband like that... whatever ideas I have, he makes them possible........
And what else do I do? Sit with my friends and drink coffee and talk. I´ve started to realize that I may never see them again. Okay or at least for a really long time. And so I want to spend every moment with them. Unfortunately I´m not talking about my Brasilian friends, but my missionary friends. I´ve never really told you much about them. I have three BEST friends.. the unlikeliest of friends.
Cristiano is 41, from France, lived here off and on for 8 years. Sunny, 36, from 10 minutes from my house in Phoenix.. didn´t know her until she arrived here 6 months after me. Adriano, 24, from Argentina. They are my life savers. They help me through the hard times and laugh with me when things are good. They are always willing to help with my crazy ideas (like a gigantic corn on the cob for our party of São João). Cristiano is very wise and calm and serene and teaches me so much (he´s the one who opened the wallet every time I said I wanted something for the kitchen. he is my model for my future husband). Adriano is funny and shares his weaknesses in faith and his constant desire to be better. And Sunny is my go to girl. She lets me complain and always helps me through. We walk together even though sometimes the road is a bit rocky. I feel so very sad to leave them even though I´m so very happy to go home.
You know, it´s just the time. It´s that same call that I felt that brought me here that I now feel is calling me back home. I´m feeling hopeful and excited about what He has in store next.
The kids are on a one week break from school. I took them to the movies on Monday-- first movie experience for two of the kids. It was wonderful. Rafaela told me that at her swim class, when you say something dumb, there are people who hold up an "L" on their forehead and say "LASER." I died laughing. I told her it was lOser, not lAser. So now we all go around saying laser to people.
Thank you for your prayers, I know they are what are helping me through this time. I continue to pray for you too!!!
Love
Erica
PS if you want my resume to give to anyone that you know could possibly have connections in NY for a job, let me know. It is ready!!
And what else do I do? Sit with my friends and drink coffee and talk. I´ve started to realize that I may never see them again. Okay or at least for a really long time. And so I want to spend every moment with them. Unfortunately I´m not talking about my Brasilian friends, but my missionary friends. I´ve never really told you much about them. I have three BEST friends.. the unlikeliest of friends.
Cristiano is 41, from France, lived here off and on for 8 years. Sunny, 36, from 10 minutes from my house in Phoenix.. didn´t know her until she arrived here 6 months after me. Adriano, 24, from Argentina. They are my life savers. They help me through the hard times and laugh with me when things are good. They are always willing to help with my crazy ideas (like a gigantic corn on the cob for our party of São João). Cristiano is very wise and calm and serene and teaches me so much (he´s the one who opened the wallet every time I said I wanted something for the kitchen. he is my model for my future husband). Adriano is funny and shares his weaknesses in faith and his constant desire to be better. And Sunny is my go to girl. She lets me complain and always helps me through. We walk together even though sometimes the road is a bit rocky. I feel so very sad to leave them even though I´m so very happy to go home.
You know, it´s just the time. It´s that same call that I felt that brought me here that I now feel is calling me back home. I´m feeling hopeful and excited about what He has in store next.
The kids are on a one week break from school. I took them to the movies on Monday-- first movie experience for two of the kids. It was wonderful. Rafaela told me that at her swim class, when you say something dumb, there are people who hold up an "L" on their forehead and say "LASER." I died laughing. I told her it was lOser, not lAser. So now we all go around saying laser to people.
Thank you for your prayers, I know they are what are helping me through this time. I continue to pray for you too!!!
Love
Erica
PS if you want my resume to give to anyone that you know could possibly have connections in NY for a job, let me know. It is ready!!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Reality of life
I was thinking the other day while I was walking down the streets visiting our friends. I have failed to share with you the reality of life that exists here. I focus on my day to day-- how Daniel is difficult, etc, but there are bigger problems that I see. I think subconsciously, I block it out because it would make our visits impossible. But it is rainy season now and the cold weather has begun. Even though it doesn´t actually get that cold, when you have a thin roof that doesn´t close and is full of cracks, it makes the nights impossible. One of our friends built a new house. The old house smelled like pee and made me want to vomit. I had high hopes. They have 7 kids. The baby (Carolina.. there are many fotos of her on here) is one and doesn´t know how to crawl. The doctors are thinking she has Lukemia, but their lives are so disorganized and the medical system is such a challenge here that it goes on and on. Within a week of moving to the new place, it looked like the old. There is no floor so with the first rain, the fabric on the floor was soaked with water. There is a makeshift door that sort of closes. The two beds don´t have sheets and there is no bathroom. The husband has a job, but the money must go to all that beer I always see in his hand.
Then this is what killed me on Tuesday. The three year old, Nia, has an eye infection. The eye is half closed and goo-ing out green stuff. She is running around without shoes and her teeth are all black.
And this week, Bea´s birth mother had the guts to walk to the Fazenda and ask for Bea´s birth certificate for her to be able to get the government money. R$40. She said she would give it to Lucia (Bea´s adoptive mother), but there is no way she walked for an hour with a baby in her arms to go out of her way to give Lucia the money. She doesn´t even talk to Bea when she´s here. Of course that night Bea didn´t sleep at all. She wanted to know why her mom visited. Me too, Bea, me too.
This past weekend I had my last girl´s retreat. Talk about hope. These girls amaze me. It was really beautiful as we talked about the dignity of woman as God created us to be. I showed them the movie, The Human Experience. Have you seen it? It is about some young men who visit the world trying to understand the human experience. I realized that I had watched a screening of this movie 5 years ago at a youth conference I went to in Phoenix before the movie came out and the men were there to talk about the film. It was the same conference that I took the pamplet about Heart´s Home. Anyway, for me the movie talks about things that I learn here--happiness despite situation, etc. For many it is a shock and watching it in Brasil, I saw the reality of our life here. The girls cried. And you know what? It gave them a dose of reality. For them, this is their life. And they saw that others have it worse off than them.
They said they couldn´t believe how blessed they were. How they take their lives for granted. I was at the breakfast table shocked. It was a deeply human experience for us to share.
The kids art day got postponed. 6 school buses broke down the week before. They still weren´t fixed and since there were many kids unable to go to school, there was no way they could use a bus to go to the Fazenda. Maybe in my last week, we´ll do it (afterall, I had already purchased and prepared everything.. have I told you how this is SO brasilian.. canceling?)
One month from yesterday is my going away mass and party. I am getting a dose of my own reality. Leaving. I am trying to stay present. take lots of pictures. and not stress. 2 out of the three I´m managing.
Pray for me and that I may learn these last lessons of love. I always pray for you.
Love,
E
Then this is what killed me on Tuesday. The three year old, Nia, has an eye infection. The eye is half closed and goo-ing out green stuff. She is running around without shoes and her teeth are all black.
And this week, Bea´s birth mother had the guts to walk to the Fazenda and ask for Bea´s birth certificate for her to be able to get the government money. R$40. She said she would give it to Lucia (Bea´s adoptive mother), but there is no way she walked for an hour with a baby in her arms to go out of her way to give Lucia the money. She doesn´t even talk to Bea when she´s here. Of course that night Bea didn´t sleep at all. She wanted to know why her mom visited. Me too, Bea, me too.
This past weekend I had my last girl´s retreat. Talk about hope. These girls amaze me. It was really beautiful as we talked about the dignity of woman as God created us to be. I showed them the movie, The Human Experience. Have you seen it? It is about some young men who visit the world trying to understand the human experience. I realized that I had watched a screening of this movie 5 years ago at a youth conference I went to in Phoenix before the movie came out and the men were there to talk about the film. It was the same conference that I took the pamplet about Heart´s Home. Anyway, for me the movie talks about things that I learn here--happiness despite situation, etc. For many it is a shock and watching it in Brasil, I saw the reality of our life here. The girls cried. And you know what? It gave them a dose of reality. For them, this is their life. And they saw that others have it worse off than them.
They said they couldn´t believe how blessed they were. How they take their lives for granted. I was at the breakfast table shocked. It was a deeply human experience for us to share.
The kids art day got postponed. 6 school buses broke down the week before. They still weren´t fixed and since there were many kids unable to go to school, there was no way they could use a bus to go to the Fazenda. Maybe in my last week, we´ll do it (afterall, I had already purchased and prepared everything.. have I told you how this is SO brasilian.. canceling?)
One month from yesterday is my going away mass and party. I am getting a dose of my own reality. Leaving. I am trying to stay present. take lots of pictures. and not stress. 2 out of the three I´m managing.
Pray for me and that I may learn these last lessons of love. I always pray for you.
Love,
E
Thursday, June 7, 2012
what? 5 weeks left??
Okay, I wanted to write a blog post today, but the internet is going so slow that I am now irritated and I hate writing when I am irritated. The thing is, there are only 5 weeks until I will no longer have to use this stupid usb internet device. Praise the Lord. But then I think--5 weeks. Five weeks is nothing especially when I have SO much to do. I remember thinking holy macaral, I only have 4 months. And now I´m officially counting in weeks??? My heavens.
Last weekend was my silent retreat. It was marvilous (how do you spell that?). Have you noticed how my english has slowly declined? I want to write about it when I have more time, although I don´t even know how to share the experience as it is such a personal time. But I can say that I came out renewed and in love with my God. It was the time of the final "yes." That final yes in saying I want to follow You. That I´m going to follow You. That I denounce my life to pick up my cross and follow You, my Savior. I embroidered cards on a comfy couch and studied the dignity and vocation of the woman. Would you be interested if I write a post about all I learned? I figure not many people read those encyclicals by our Popes--especially twice in 3 days. I learned a lot about who I am made to be as a woman.
So today is Corpus Christi! We had a beautiful mass and procession around the Fazenda--the idea being that we are on this walk of life with Christ and that He follows us whereever we go. We invited a family from the neighborhood to pass the day with us. 16 people showed up--many for the first time. It was so wonderful. I felt so much love for them. A family so poor, yet so so so beautiful. They live in the middle of nowhere (literally. you have to walk on the train track and all of a sudden you arrive at a house). The kids are filled with joy. The mothers give us hugs like theyve known us our whole lives. THEY have such a dignity about them. We played with them in the school and did some projects that were sent over by Ella and her friends. And we all put on tatoos that my dad sent.
This weekend i have my last girls retreat. I still have to plan it (is it already thursday!??). Then on Wednesday I am throwing ART DAY for the kids from Tete´s school here in the fazenda. That too I still need to plan. (40 people only?) Then the following week is Sao Joao which is a huge huge holiday here. I am the decorator so we are busy creating little things here and there (think GIGANTIC CORN ON THE HUSK) Then the kids have their mid school year break. Then I´ve gotta plan this huge going away party I am throwing and of course make my last visits to all my friends. We are expecting about 140 people for my party. Normally they run about 60 to 70. All the while, I have my little love bug, Daniel, who is still giving us a run for our money. Yesterday I had to put soap in his mouth again (can you believe he doesn´t even wash it out afterward?)
Okay. So. Life is hectic. And beautiful. And I´m starting to get sentimental about the time and am taking a lot of pictures again. There will be a day when I cherish them.
I pray for all of you and thank you for all your prayers this past weekend. I really felt your love for me in that monastery. Know that I prayed many times each day for all of you.
I send my love,
Erica
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Simple but Extraordinary
I was talking to a friend yesterday (my old roommate) and she said something that I realized summarizes my mission to a T: simple but extraordinary. My life is simple. I wake up at 5h45, tell Daniel to get out of bed 25 times before 6h30, eat 2 pieces of bread with butter and a cup of coffee. I brush my teeth with an 8 year old where we compete to see who can brush LONGER (playing the fastest game only works for pajamas...). I run around trying to find art supplies to take to school, while creating activities in the moment. I decide if it's a painting day depending on the clothes I'm wearing as the children keep painting my backside... ie pretty clothes= crayon day. I take a bus for an hour packed like a sardine and then teach classes for disabled children and children with behavioral problems. I go home, eat beans and rice and fruit salad for lunch. I take a nap, pray the rosary, spend the afternoon with my little munchkins, cook dinner, clean house, wash clothes, go to mass, eat dinner, brush teeth again with my boy, read a book, kiss him goodnight, and am in my bed by 8h35.
Simple but extraordinary. Extraordinary that a 6 year old little girl asked for the second year in a row to not receive birthday presents. Instead all of her little friends brought art supplies for MY STUDENTS. After a year here in Brasil, I still don't know how to give like her. Extraordinary that my new bedroom, where I sleep alone in a bed that I think may break next week, faces the entire fazenda. So when my door is open, the kids come running. They think it's my workshop. I asked them if they did not see my dirty underwear lying on the ground. Somehow it hasn't stopped them from marching in. I turned the bottom bunk into my painting desk. And painting becomes all the better when I have some other little artists near me.
Simple but extraordinary that it has been raining for 9 days straight. That I shower with cold water (Sorry, I haven't learned to stop complaining yet.. maybe in the next month). And that I am happier than I have ever known in my life. Everything is going so quickly. My going away mass is july 15. I found a samba singer to play music for us. I have over 100 invites. I have my plane ticket home
PHOENIX ARIZONA
AUGUST 4, 2012
5:48pm
Come one, come all and greet me at the airport
I have this new life awaiting me. I have more hope and excitement and joy to see what He is calling me to next. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world in my simple, but extraordinary life. Thank you to each one of you who is part of it.
And I leave you with a CONGRATULATIONS to one of my very best friends and cousin, Gillean, on her engagement yesterday. I can't wait to be home to help you plan a miraculous day! Love you
With love,
the kids in my room on our makeshift desk... my very first canvas painting to call on the living room wall
we finally covered the ugly couch with new yellow fabric!
Simple but extraordinary. Extraordinary that a 6 year old little girl asked for the second year in a row to not receive birthday presents. Instead all of her little friends brought art supplies for MY STUDENTS. After a year here in Brasil, I still don't know how to give like her. Extraordinary that my new bedroom, where I sleep alone in a bed that I think may break next week, faces the entire fazenda. So when my door is open, the kids come running. They think it's my workshop. I asked them if they did not see my dirty underwear lying on the ground. Somehow it hasn't stopped them from marching in. I turned the bottom bunk into my painting desk. And painting becomes all the better when I have some other little artists near me.
Simple but extraordinary that it has been raining for 9 days straight. That I shower with cold water (Sorry, I haven't learned to stop complaining yet.. maybe in the next month). And that I am happier than I have ever known in my life. Everything is going so quickly. My going away mass is july 15. I found a samba singer to play music for us. I have over 100 invites. I have my plane ticket home
PHOENIX ARIZONA
AUGUST 4, 2012
5:48pm
Come one, come all and greet me at the airport
I have this new life awaiting me. I have more hope and excitement and joy to see what He is calling me to next. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world in my simple, but extraordinary life. Thank you to each one of you who is part of it.
And I leave you with a CONGRATULATIONS to one of my very best friends and cousin, Gillean, on her engagement yesterday. I can't wait to be home to help you plan a miraculous day! Love you
With love,
Saturday, May 12, 2012
The Perfect Rainbow
I realized I have been really negative lately on my blog. Yes, things have been quite overwhelming--so much to be done and so little time. But that´s life isn´t it? I struggle like all moms to get the kid ready for school, get myself ready for work, clean house, wash clothes, do homework, cook dinner, and have a moment to play or read with him. I struggle to get to prayer times and to have a moment to myself to contemplate the love of my Lord. I never find time to do art or little things my soul desires, yet I am utterly happy. I think about that coming day far too often, only because I want everything to be perfect. I want to show my friends how thankful I am for them. I want to cuddle and play with my kids, always thinking of three months from now when that won´t be possible anymore. I think about what surprises are coming my way and what man I am going to fall in love with (what girl doesn´t). I think about my future job and what I want in a job and life and museums and pretty clothes and shoes and the metro. I stress and complain, but I dont know why because I am happy. Happy may not be the best word. Peaceful, knowing, sure.
I´ve noticed that I´ve stopped taking pictures. I don´t know why. I guess life is quite ordinary right now. Painting, decorating, teaching art, mothering Daniel. I must try to remember that these days won´t last forever. That I should really keep track of those tiny things. Anyway, it´s a weekend of rest. My lasts with each of my Brazilian mothers. A special time. Trying to soak it in. And work on my resume!
Pray for me. I pray for you. I´m sure these last months will bare the most fruits!
Love, E
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