Bea´s in the hospital

I think so often, “I need to write this in a blog,” and now as I sit here trying to type, I cant think of one thing. It’s been an exciting time here because we have 8 French boyscouts doing a mission here for a month. It has been so nice to mix up our routine that we have fallen into at the Fazenda. And we received a new American last week!! I love to be able to relate to her… like the fact that she also finds eating breakfast all together every morning, talking, to be difficult. I feel satisfied in my cultural habits and tendencies. Ive been playing a lot of soccer with the boyscouts and kids. I still am horrible. And I keep falling on the same exact knee. Three days now I have fallen on this knee. It is so cut up and I think infected. But I don’t cry. I basically just run around the field and if the ball comes near me, I kick it—or at least try to kick it. I make contact about 50% of the time. The mixture of french/portuguese/english/spanish is quite amusing as well.

I visited Tete’s school yesterday. I left feeling so sad and helpless and dying to do something. It was 13 kids in a square, tiny room without ONE thing on the wall. Well except the white board. The desks were twice the size of the kids and was in no order what so ever. When they felt like moving, they moved. One 10 year old was playing with a car on the floor and came and went as he chose. A few kids were listening and working, but most were talking with their neighbors. It was a mess. The kids go to school at 7:30 and leave at 11:30. They eat a snack and lunch in this time. No wonder Tete, with 7 years, doesn’t know her alphabet. Her afternoon teacher cries because Tete is so horrible, but told me she was glad that Tete doesn’t use bad words anymore. When I spoke with the director about getting a paper for Tete to go to a counselor after school, she looked at me as if I were crazy and asked if I actually thought she needed it. I felt so sad for my little Tete and her friends. Children who have potential, but are not given a chance. When I got back to the Fazenda, I slept. That’s my defense when things are too tough to take or understand.

But the experience also gave me the second part of my dream job. What if I could travel the world decorating poor schools? What if I raised money part of the year and the other part I went to the schools to make interactive learning spaces, to create excitement to learn, to change the environment we put our poor children into for most of their tiny lives. I wonder if its possible. I guess every organization starts like this—an idea. Do you think people would donate to this? Does it seem worthy? All I know is that as I sat in adoration my dreams soared and again I had this assurance in my heart that I don’t often feel. I just know that Tete and kids like her, will never learn with a pencil and paper and blank walls. She needs to touch, feel, explore this world she’s a part of. I believe she has a chance to be educated, but it wont happen in this sad state of a school she’s in.

I have a huge prayer request. Yesterday Bea had a very high fever and was vomiting green mucus. She went to the doctor and was hospitalized with an invention in her lungs. Last year she stayed there for 10 days. I am going to stay with her in the afternoon and see how she is. But please pray for my sweet, sweet girl. Pray that after this, we can get her into the psychiatrist too. I think a lot of her illnesses are coming from her head and if we don’t help her, it’s just going to get worse with age.

I pray for you all often and each day feel more connected with your souls. Please pray for me on this treachorous and beautiful walk I’m on.

Love, E

6 month mark

a little video for you of saturday night while my aunt was taking a nap. the kids showed up. first jose, then bea, then tete, and after this video 4 more. Jose learned to dance recently (we think its some brazilian blood flowing through him). it makes me laugh so much. i hope you enjoy!

Remember when I was marking the weeks? I remember writing it has been 6 weeks! and now? almost six months!!! I thought it a good time to write because I have been in a lot of reflection about these first months here and I am sitting on a balcony in a hotel overlooking the beach. Last night I had trouble sleeping and I actually MISSED my home in the fazenda. I missed Sunday night adoration, I missed my kids, and I missed my housemates. It wasn't that I didn't want to be here (it is magical and a wonderful break), but I wanted to bring them with me. I felt so undeserving of these pleasures. I, Erica, did nothing in my life to deserve to not be in poverty. My people here are no different than me, I just happened to be born to an American middle class family. I guess it's something I'll never understand and I will turn my confusion into praise and thanksgiving of my creator who has given me all of this.

I got to see the Fazenda in new eyes as my Aunt Kathy visited for a day. She just got into the taxi a few minutes ago to head to the airport. It is still strange that she was actually HERE with me in my new home. She got to meet my friends and see my home (which she said was smaller than she expected!) She got to see me speaking portuguese and experience the happiness that I have here. She told me that the one thing that I dont talk enough about on here and that she liked the most was the community life. It is THE hardest aspect for me and the part I struggle with daily. She said she loved how people watched out for the others, thought of the others, and just showed up for breakfast Sunday morning. She was impressed how our head nun who is absolutely busy, took time to make us lunch Saturday afternoon and sit with us while we ate. And the kids were little darlings. By this I mean they sat with us for mass and evening prayer. Daniel sat on my aunt's lap and they were all sad she was only staying for one day. "but I like her," they said. Of course they were still busy bodies the entire time, but we can't ask them to be someone they're not :)

She amazed me with the stories of all the people who read my blog that I don't even know of and I sat in awe once again thinking how my life here is not just for me. I was able to reflect with her how much I have changed. And not changed to be someone else, but changed back into the person I was created to be.

My favorite thing my aunt said is how my experience here is like a diamond. First they have to (uh oh i forgot the word) grind? polish? the diamond before it is shiny and beautiful. It is exactly this. It can be painful and hard and exhausting and a lot of work, but in the end there I'll be beautiful and able to reflect light (the light of Christ). And so I cant wait to see what 1 more year of tarnishing? (why cant i remember the word?) is going to do.

Princess Ballerinas and a special visitor

WOrking away

it was a ballerina, but bea thought she needed a prince so i improvised

happy happy

multi tasking for tete: killing lice in her hair and making little dolls

maybe i loved these more than them

rafaela has the camera

my aunt on a very quick tour of the fazenda in the school house

we encountered jose playing ball!

then we went to the city to spend the night because she leaves early tomorrow morning and it would be impossible to get out of the fazenda in time. we just happened to come across a beautiful resort close to the airport right on the beach. she was as happy as a little girl

can you see how my body is becoming more and more brazilian each passing week? curves are growing in all kinds of places! but this is part of the culturation.

and we spent our night talking in these wonderfully comfortable chairs and i drank one mojito that was very delicious and satisfying.

ill write more next time of our experience together at the fazenda!

Highs and Lows and inbetween

It´s been a while since I´ve written of life here. Days are passing so quickly. Please pray for me as I have asked to stay for 4 extra months (Which would make my time here 1 year and 1/2) I am awaiting their answer. Some days are harder than hard and I cry and some days are filled with so much happiness that my whole soul is filled with joy completely.

A few special moments:
When we were at the beach one night we were looking for the moon in the sky. We could see the stars, but no moon. Rafaela said very matter of factly "The moon is not here! It´s in the Fazenda!" She was absolutely sure it could not be in two places at once.

Tete is sitting at mass with me. She is amazing me (beyond her over activitiy) as she watches what the priest is doing. She asks me why things are this way and she participates singing and praying. And each time at intercessions she prays "Thank you for this day. Bless so and so and so and so."

And something that really amazed me. Rafaela was not happy with me because I told her she could not come into the school house yesterday. The day before she was very disrespectful of me. (told me to walk back to France.. I told her I didnt want to go to france and she said to walk back to my country). Anyway so she was not happy with me. But after mass last night, she came to me and said, "Erica, I´m sorry" and hugged me.

How many times are we too prideful to say sorry to someone. I think of all the times I was a little brat (maybe more than 1,000 times) and never said sorry to my parents. (Is it too late, now? Sorry mamãe and papai!). I´m going to try to be more like Rafa and be humble and admit when I do wrong.

Hour is up!! My aunt is coming on Saturday! And another American (from phoenix) is arriving next Thursday. I wont be on internet next week to pick her up at the airport! Pray for her last week at home and her arrival here!
I pray for all of you daily. Many times in my day. All of my day I lift up for you.


With love,
Erica

A family visit

edit: there are three blog posts of pictures from today so make sure to see them all!

aldo and i visited the family of three of the girls who come for my girlsweekends. they have 11 kids!! and their son has a baby (i didnt meet him, but i met the mom who is only 17!)

he is so precious

they were all making flour out of something that is a bit like a potato. no one wanted to take a picture

the kids were setting off little bombs that they have for sao joao

and we were roasting peanuts. ever eaten them soft. DELICIOUS.

the dad was busy working away

and i even helped with this part (although you cant see)

then they sold this, which is a typical thing for sao joao... they sold 500 bags or something like that

look at this view over the passagem. you have no idea the poverty that lives amongst such beauty. maybe its Gods gift to them.... and that week i returned to spend the whole day with them making cakes and such. it was a really wonderful day AND i got to meet the cousin of Tata (who lives in my house). she's two months old and so precious. i want her to move into the fazenda, but i dont think irma leticia would like that

Corpus Cristi and São João

we had a procession around the fazenda

arriving at my house

on our porch

it started to rain

decorations for são joão thrown together with what i had in a donation of crepe paper

so the night starts out with a wedding. originally it was a real wedding. for us, it was a theater. the bride was pregnant and the parents were really trashy

i was the mother of the groom and we were really rich. my husband was having heart problems during the ceremony

and when the priest arrived, late, he was drunk

then at the end, the groom´s wife showed up with three kids

since the father already paid for the party, he invited us to enjoy it even though their was no matrimony

we ate lots of corn

everyone had a good time, even Diego

and in a last minute attempt, i made a photobooth. everyone seemed to love it so next time i´ll be sure to plan ahead

then it was time for the ho-down (a few days before we drew names for our partners and practiced)

joão was my partner

even apardecida enjoyed the photobooth!

afterward, we danced all night and ate lots of peanuts, skewers, and cake

we also had abig fire that you roast your corn on, but i was tired and didnt take any pictures! it was a fun fun time and im looking forward to next years already. my brain is full of decorating ideas. the kids go back to school today after their two week break. can i thank God for this moment?