Learning about emotions

Yesterday I was so angry. The details dont really matter, just that I felt an anger in me that took over my entire body. It was one of my community members. Have I told you how hard it is to live with 35 different people--of all different countries and ages. We got in an argument and he said something very mean and out of line to me. I tried to explain my side, but he really didnt wnat to listen. So I removed myself from the situation and cried. That kind of emotion scares me as I was never one quick to anger. I woke up this morning and didnt want to have to face him. I didnt know what to do. I´ve been having some stomach problems so I didnt feel like eating so instead I went to the church to pray. As I´m walking up the hill to the church, I just felt all of the anger melt from me. I heard in my heart-- Erica, don´t hold onto your anger. If you close yourself from him, he can´t appolize. If you close yourself to him, you can´t communicate. So I decided to forgive him even though he didnt ask forgiveness and may not even think he was in the wrong. But now I didnt have to be mad all day and I feel at peace. I cant chnage anyone else or make him do anything i want HIM to do or be. I felt it was a huge moment for me. I saw a change in me, a way to let go, a peacefulness that I didnt have before.

Erica´s summer o fun started this week. We had a few rocky moments (as usual with children), but today was really fantastic. They sat and let me read to them!!!! Never before has Tete sat and let me read. Yesterday at lunch, Bea was sleeping in my arms and I asked Tete to get my plate of food. She did it without complaining. Later I asked Rafa to get me juice and Tete screamed, "NO I WILL." She is not one to do things for people-- a generosity and lovingness. I think she is less stressed because she is not in the frustration of failing at school.

And yesterday when I was reading to Bea, she put her hand on my back and rubbed in circles. Just like I do. Then she rested her hand there. I realized that my love is soaking in. I was yelling at them yesterday and realized during adoration that I was being a little tough (I had been stressed about the situation from above and took it out on them). I apologized to each child and they are so cute-- oh no erica, you dont need to apologize. we are really awful for you. I put a chart on the wall to make their behavior and we added my name today so that we can mark when I yell when it is NOT necessary. Yelling is something I do not like that I have gained here. Yelling does not help broken children.

Anyway, I must go. We have yoga and then swimming in the lake. Tomorrow will be our first friday outing!!

Oh! I did not tell you. We have penpals in Arizona. A little class that the sock girl is in (remember she asked for socks for our kids instead of birthday presents)? The little five year olds did chores around the house and the money they received, they sent to us!!! Can you believe that? Such a beautiful story that I hold in my heart. We have written back, I just am trying to get photos printed. (Can you believe R$ each foto?)

I send my love and am always praying.
Erica