Reality of life

I was thinking the other day while I was walking down the streets visiting our friends. I have failed to share with you the reality of life that exists here. I focus on my day to day-- how Daniel is difficult, etc, but there are bigger problems that I see. I think subconsciously, I block it out because it would make our visits impossible. But it is rainy season now and the cold weather has begun. Even though it doesn´t actually get that cold, when you have a thin roof that doesn´t close and is full of cracks, it makes the nights impossible. One of our friends built a new house. The old house smelled like pee and made me want to vomit. I had high hopes. They have 7 kids. The baby (Carolina.. there are many fotos of her on here) is one and doesn´t know how to crawl. The doctors are thinking she has Lukemia, but their lives are so disorganized and the medical system is such a challenge here that it goes on and on. Within a week of moving to the new place, it looked like the old. There is no floor so with the first rain, the fabric on the floor was soaked with water. There is a makeshift door that sort of closes. The two beds don´t have sheets and there is no bathroom. The husband has a job, but the money must go to all that beer I always see in his hand.

Then this is what killed me on Tuesday. The three year old, Nia, has an eye infection. The eye is half closed and goo-ing out green stuff. She is running around without shoes and her teeth are all black.

And this week, Bea´s birth mother had the guts to walk to the Fazenda and ask for Bea´s birth certificate for her to be able to get the government money. R$40. She said she would give it to Lucia (Bea´s adoptive mother), but there is no way she walked for an hour with a baby in her arms to go out of her way to give Lucia the money. She doesn´t even talk to Bea when she´s here. Of course that night Bea didn´t sleep at all. She wanted to know why her mom visited. Me too, Bea, me too.

This past weekend I had my last girl´s retreat. Talk about hope. These girls amaze me. It was really beautiful as we talked about the dignity of woman as God created us to be. I showed them the movie, The Human Experience. Have you seen it? It is about some young men who visit the world trying to understand the human experience.  I realized that I had watched a screening of this movie 5 years ago at a youth conference I went to in Phoenix before the movie came out and the men were there to talk about the film. It was the same conference that I took the pamplet about Heart´s Home. Anyway, for me the movie talks about things that I learn here--happiness despite situation, etc. For many it is a shock and watching it in Brasil, I saw the reality of our life here. The girls cried. And you know what? It gave them a dose of reality. For them, this is their life. And they saw that others have it worse off than them.

They said they couldn´t believe how blessed they were. How they take their lives for granted. I was at the breakfast table shocked. It was a deeply human experience for us to share.

The kids art day got postponed. 6 school buses broke down the week before. They still weren´t fixed and since there were many kids unable to go to school, there was no way they could use a bus to go to the Fazenda. Maybe in my last week, we´ll do it (afterall, I had already purchased and prepared everything.. have I told you how this is SO brasilian.. canceling?)

One month from yesterday is my going away mass and party. I am getting a dose of my own reality. Leaving. I am trying to stay present. take lots of pictures. and not stress. 2 out of the three I´m managing.

Pray for me and that I may learn these last lessons of love. I always pray for you.
Love,
E